A Conversation with Bilquis Edhi (Pakistan)

Bilquis Edhi is a humanitarian and a social worker. She has been working with the Edhi Foundation since the early 60's. Edhi Foundation which was started by Abdual Sattar Edhi with the mission to provide aid to Pakistan's poor and down-trodden has become Pakistan's major relief organization under the leadership of the husband and wife team of Adbul Sattar and Bilquis Edhi. Today, in addition to services provided in Pakistan, Edhi foundation is a major resource for assisting victims of disaster internationally... more on Bilquis Edhi.

Interviewer's note: This interview was conducted at The Edhi Centre at Mithadar (old city district of Karachi) in November 2003. The conversation was in Urdu and has been translated into English by the interviewer.

What prompted you to join the Edhi Foundation? What were the conditions (of Edhi Foundation) like when you first joined?

I was in school at the time and had recently sat for my 8th grade examinations. I wasn’t too fond of studying so I left school and joined the nurses training course at the Edhi Nurses Training Centre. Later, Edhi Sahib proposed to me, and we got married in April 1966.

Edhi sahib’s sole possessions at the time were a broken old car and a small dispensary. There was a maternity home on the first floor with 6-7 beds, a small room – 6’ X 6’ on the ground floor which served as an office and a similar room on the first floor. There wasn’t much else but even in those days when we had very limited resources, people used to leave their kids with us. I used to look after them.

What was your first major experience at the Edhi Foundation - something that left an impact on you early on in your career?

During the 1965 war with India, the bombings resulted in a number of brutally mutilated bodies which we had to wash for burial. At times only an arm, leg or head was recovered. We were about 60-70 workers including voluntary workers collecting and then washing these bodies.

What are your current responsibilities at the Foundation?

My current responsibilities include looking after the ladies section, giving away children for adoption – mostly looking after women-specific and children related sections throughout Pakistan. My two daughters also work closely with me. We regularly visit our centres all over Pakistan to monitor their activities and give suggestions and recommendations on how we feel the work should be done. We also call our centres on a daily basis to ask if our help is needed with anything.

With regard to child adoption, what is the criteria that you use to approve / disapprove of couples who want to adopt a child?

Couples who want to adopt a child are interviewed by me. My criteria for adoption are as follows:

• Even after 10-12 years of marriage the couple is still childless.
• Prospective father’s salary should be reasonable.
• Prospective father should not have alcohol or drug-related problems.
• Prospective mother’s age should be younger than 50.
• Couple should own a house

I don’t give children to couples who keep changing their house – keep moving from one place to another.

Kids who are physically or mentally disabled are cared for by us. We have a separate section for them where we clean them, feed them, play with them etc. They remain with us for the rest of their lives.

Aside from the disabled children, what about the other children who don’t get adopted?

This is not a problem. We have over 4,000 applications in hand. We don’t have enough kids to give to people. So we can be careful in selecting prospective parents. We have a shariatnama in place which we make the parents sign where it is explicitly mentioned that in case of separation between the parents, the Centre will reclaim the child or let the child stay with the mother.

Edhi Foundation keeps expanding by adding new welfare services every now and then. How do you see Pakistan's future in view of the services that are being rendered by you?

When we go abroad we come back with lots of ideas. My husband dreams of the day when welfare facilities here would be comparable to those you find abroad. But right now this seems like a distant dream. We don’t even have clean drinking water here. Load shedding is an ongoing problem. After the recent oil spill [in Karachi] when the oil tanker broke in half, people were saying that our country had gone back 20 years in time. As far as I am concerned in the last 55 years we have not moved forward. We are still where we were 55 years ago.

[Edhi sahib and I] both think of things for the future. Edhi Sahib, when he comes up with an idea he writes it down. In 1976 we were involved in an accident which took place near a village with no airport or landing strip nearby. Around this time a building collapsed in Karachi - Bismillah Building. This was the time Bhutto Sahib was in power. Noticing Edhi sahib’s absence from the scene of the disaster he inquired as to his whereabouts upon which he was told of the situation. Bhutto sahib immediately dispatched a small airplane to pick us up. Edhi Sahib was admitted to the Civil Hospital in Karachi where shortly after gaining consciousness, he remarked that he would also like to buy a plane. I asked how will you be able to afford a plane – your current situation is such that when you put your hand in your pocket for some loose change, thread comes out instead. He was not disheartened and pushed on. Alhamdulillah we now have a plane, helicopters everything.

What has it been like being Edhi Sahib’s wife?

He is a good man. A little short tempered but good at heart. He still hasn’t built his own house yet. For the first 4-5 years after marriage, I used to live on the roof. Later, after the birth of my four kids, we moved to my mother’s house. My mother looked after my kids. On a daily basis I used to shuffle between her house and the Edhi Centre. After the kids grew up and got married, my mother passed away. Edhi Sahib spends most of his time at the Edhi Centre. Even when we were with my mother, he mostly spent his time looking after the affairs of the Edhi Foundation. In our 36-37 years of marriage there may have been at least 36 occasions where Edhi Sahib never even came home at night. He practically lived at the Edhi Centre here in Mithadar. Even now when our children want to see him, they bring lunch from their home and come and eat with us.

Have you ever taken some time out from work? Have you ever vacationed with Edhi Sahib?

We have never taken any time out from work but we have spent some good time together on the job. In the last 34-35 years there have been many occasions where we have had to drop off patients and deceased people to far off villages. After dropping them off, on the way back we have stopped over in villages and rural areas where we have been treated to lassi, chicken in gravy among other delicacies and looked after extremely well by the people of those areas. We have also sat on charpoys with our feet in the water – fresh cold water streams abound in these areas. So we have had some good times together. On these trips we used to feel like we were extremely rich people with cars of our own. Others who lived around us didn’t have any cars so they used to request us to take them along whenever we went on such trips. We used to take one or two of them along with us.

Has the government of Pakistan been supportive of your cause?

The Government of Pakistan has never created any obstacles for us. We never faced any resistance. In fact we get a lot of moral support from ordinary citizens, government agencies including the police. Only last night a child was found by the police – they straightaway brought the child to our centre.

Have international organizations approached you for donation purposes? Have you ever accepted donations from them?

International organizations such as the World Bank have offered us millions of dollars but we refuse all such offers. We only take money from Pakistanis residing in Pakistan or abroad. We have Edhi Centres in England and the US where again donations are only accepted from the expatriates residing there.

In the wake of Hakeem Said's and Dr. Ghulam Murtaza's murders, a lot of people are thinking that Edhi sahib and you are also prime targets. Does this situation bother you?

We have been receiving death threats from the outset but we are not afraid. Death will come at an appointed time, and when its time we won’t be able to do anything about it. So we are not afraid.

Who will look after the Edhi Foundation after both you and Edhi Sahib have retired?

Faisal, Kubra, Zeenat and Almas – all my children are educated, bright young people. After us, they will look after the Edhi Foundation.

source:www.jazbah.org

Women of Pakistan & Legal Empowerment

THE CRIMINAL LAW AMENDMENT

ACT, 2004

The Ministry of Women Development promotes the rights of women to security & life. It took substantive initiative, first in South Asia, by promulgating law titled “The Criminal Law (Amendment) Act 2004”. The new law on honor killing makes change in the existing criminal law to deal effectively with offenders. The salient features of this law are as under.

CODE OF CRIMINAL PROCEDURE (AMENDMENT) ORDINANCE, 2006

The President of Pakistan promulgated an Ordinance on 8^th July, 2006 by amending section 497 of CRPC to grant bail to women in jails on charges other than terrorism and murder. According to the information provided by provinces, eight hundred and forty eight (848) female prisoners have been released from different prisons of Pakistan under this new law.

PROTECTION OF WOMEN (CRIMINAL LAW) AMENDMENT ACT, 2006

Protection of Women (Criminal’s Laws Amendment) Act, 2006 has been enacted on 1^st December, 2006 to provide relief and protection to women against misuse and abuse of law and to prevent their exploitation. The object of this Act is to bring the laws related to Zina and Qazf, in particular, in conformity with the stated objectives of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan and the Constitutional mandate. This Act contains 30 important amendments in the existing ‘Offence of Zina and Qazf (Enforcement of Hadood Ordinance 1979)’, the ‘Pakistan Penal Code (Act XLV of 1860)’, the Code of Criminal Procedure 1898 (Act V of 1898)’ and the ‘Dissolution of Muslim Marriages Act 1939’.

INITIATIVE FOR LEGISLATION ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND PREVENTION OF ANTI WOMEN PRACTICES

I. Domestic Violence, hidden in nature and considered as a private matter involves physical, sexual, emotional, social, economic and psychological abuse committed by a person. There is a need to provide legal mechanism for protection of victims of domestic violence inline with the provision of the Constitution of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. To address this alarming issue, Ministry of Women Development and Ministry of Law have been actively involved in the finalization of a draft Bill called Domestic Violence against Women and Children (Prevention and Protection) Bill, 2007, by the National Assembly Standing Committee on Women Development. The draft Bill has been forwarded to the concerned Ministries/Divisions/Departments for views/comments.

II. With a view to banishing harmful age-old customary practices like forced marriages, marriage with Quran, Vani-Swara etc. A Draft Bill under the title, “Prevention of Anti-Women Practices (Criminal Law Amendments), Bill 2006” moved by a former parliamentarian is under study/review by the Select Committee of National Assembly.

source:202.83.164.26

The situation of women in Pakistan

"No nation can rise to the height of glory unless your women are side by side with you; we are victims of evil customs. It is a crime against humanity that our women are shut up within the four walls of the houses as prisoners. There is no sanction anywhere for the deplorable condition in which our women have to live."
Mohammad Ali Jinnah, 1944
(taken from the US Library of Congress report "Pakistan - A Country Study")

Men, Women, and the Division of Space

Gender relations in Pakistan rest on two basic perceptions: that women are subordinate to men, and that a man's honor resides in the actions of the women of his family. Thus, as in other orthodox Muslim societies, women are responsible for maintaining the family honor. To ensure that they do not dishonor their families, society limits women's mobility, places restrictions on their behavior and activities, and permits them only limited contact with the opposite sex. Space is allocated to and used differently by men and women. For their protection and respectability, women have traditionally been expected to live under the constraints of purdah (purdah is Persian for curtain), most obvious in veiling. By separating women from the activities of men, both physically and symbolically, purdah creates differentiated male and female spheres. Most women spend the major part of their lives physically within their homes and courtyards and go out only for serious and approved reasons. Outside the home, social life generally revolves around the activities of men. In most parts of the country, except perhaps in Islamabad, Karachi, and wealthier parts of a few other cities, people consider a woman--and her family--to be shameless if no restrictions are placed on her mobility.

Purdah is practiced in various ways, depending on family tradition, region, class, and rural or urban residence, but nowhere do unrelated men and women mix freely. The most extreme restraints are found in parts of the North-West Frontier Province and Balochistan, where women almost never leave their homes except when they marry and almost never meet unrelated men. They may not be allowed contact with male cousins on their mother's side, for these men are not classed as relatives in a strongly patrilineal society. Similarly, they have only very formal relations with those men they are allowed to meet, such as the father-in-law, paternal uncles, and brothers-in-law.

Poor rural women, especially in Punjab and Sindh, where gender relations are generally somewhat more relaxed, have greater mobility because they are responsible for transplanting rice seedlings, weeding crops, raising chickens and selling eggs, and stuffing wool or cotton into comforters (razais). When a family becomes more prosperous and begins to aspire to higher status, it commonly requires stricter purdah among its women as a first social change.

Poor urban women in close-knit communities, such as the old cities of Lahore and Rawalpindi, generally wear either a burqa (fitted body veil) or a chador (loosely draped cotton cloth used as a head covering and body veil) when they leave their homes. In these localities, multistory dwellings (havelis) were constructed to accommodate large extended families. Many havelis have now been sectioned off into smaller living units to economize. It is common for one nuclear family (with an average of seven members) to live in one or two rooms on each small floor. In less densely populated areas, where people generally do not know their neighbors, there are fewer restrictions on women's mobility.

The shared understanding that women should remain within their homes so neighbors do not gossip about their respectability has important implications for their productive activities. As with public life in general, work appears to be the domain of men. Rural women work for consumption or for exchange at the subsistence level. Others, both rural and urban, do piecework for very low wages in their homes. Their earnings are generally recorded as part of the family income that is credited to men. Census data and other accounts of economic activity in urban areas support such conclusions. For example, the 1981 census reported that 5.6 percent of all women were employed, as opposed to 72.4 percent of men; less than 4 percent of all urban women were engaged in some form of salaried work. By 1988 this figure had increased significantly, but still only 10.2 percent of women were reported as participating in the labor force.

Among wealthier Pakistanis, urban or rural residence is less important than family tradition in influencing whether women observe strict purdah and the type of veil they wear. In some areas, women simply observe "eye purdah": they tend not to mix with men, but when they do, they avert their eyes when interacting with them. Bazaars in wealthier areas of Punjabi cities differ from those in poorer areas by having a greater proportion of unveiled women. In cities throughout the North-West Frontier Province, Balochistan, and the interior of Sindh, bazaars are markedly devoid of women, and when a woman does venture forth, she always wears some sort of veil.

The traditional division of space between the sexes is perpetuated in the broadcast media. Women's subservience is consistently shown on television and in films. And, although popular television dramas raise controversial issues such as women working, seeking divorce, or even having a say in family politics, the programs often suggest that the woman who strays from traditional norms faces insurmountable problems and becomes alienated from her family.

The Status of Women and the Women's Movement

Four important challenges confronted women in Pakistan in the early 1990s: increasing practical literacy, gaining access to employment opportunities at all levels in the economy, promoting change in the perception of women's roles and status, and gaining a public voice both within and outside of the political process. There have been various attempts at social and legal reform aimed at improving Muslim women's lives in the subcontinent during the twentieth century. These attempts generally have been related to two broader, intertwined movements: the social reform movement in British India and the growing Muslim nationalist movement. Since partition, the changing status of women in Pakistan largely has been linked with discourse about the role of Islam in a modern state. This debate concerns the extent to which civil rights common in most Western democracies are appropriate in an Islamic society and the way these rights should be reconciled with Islamic family law.

Muslim reformers in the nineteenth century struggled to introduce female education, to ease some of the restrictions on women's activities, to limit polygyny, and to ensure women's rights under Islamic law. Sir Syed Ahmad Khan convened the Mohammedan Educational Conference in the 1870s to promote modern education for Muslims, and he founded the Muhammadan Anglo- Oriental College. Among the predominantly male participants were many of the earliest proponents of education and improved social status for women. They advocated cooking and sewing classes conducted in a religious framework to advance women's knowledge and skills and to reinforce Islamic values. But progress in women's literacy was slow: by 1921 only four out of every 1,000 Muslim females were literate.

Promoting the education of women was a first step in moving beyond the constraints imposed by purdah. The nationalist struggle helped fray the threads in that socially imposed curtain. Simultaneously, women's roles were questioned, and their empowerment was linked to the larger issues of nationalism and independence. In 1937 the Muslim Personal Law restored rights (such as inheritance of property) that had been lost by women under the Anglicization of certain civil laws. As independence neared, it appeared that the state would give priority to empowering women. Pakistan's founding father, Mohammad Ali Jinnah, said in a speech in 1944:

No nation can rise to the height of glory unless your women are side by side with you; we are victims of evil customs. It is a crime against humanity that our women are shut up within the four walls of the houses as prisoners. There is no sanction anywhere for the deplorable condition in which our women have to live.

After independence, elite Muslim women in Pakistan continued to advocate women's political empowerment through legal reforms. They mobilized support that led to passage of the Muslim Personal Law of Sharia in 1948, which recognized a woman's right to inherit all forms of property. They were also behind the futile attempt to have the government include a Charter of Women's Rights in the 1956 constitution. The 1961 Muslim Family Laws Ordinance covering marriage and divorce, the most important sociolegal reform that they supported, is still widely regarded as empowering to women.

Two issues--promotion of women's political representation and accommodation between Muslim family law and democratic civil rights--came to dominate discourse about women and sociolegal reform. The second issue gained considerable attention during the regime of Zia ul-Haq (1977-88). Urban women formed groups to protect their rights against apparent discrimination under Zia's Islamization program. It was in the highly visible realm of law that women were able to articulate their objections to the Islamization program initiated by the government in 1979. Protests against the 1979 Enforcement of Hudood Ordinances focused on the failure of hudood ordinances to distinguish between adultery (zina) and rape (zina-bil-jabr). A man could be convicted of zina only if he were actually observed committing the offense by other men, but a woman could be convicted simply because she became pregnant.

The Women's Action Forum was formed in 1981 to respond to the implementation of the penal code and to strengthen women's position in society generally. The women in the forum, most of whom came from elite families, perceived that many of the laws proposed by the Zia government were discriminatory and would compromise their civil status. In Karachi, Lahore, and Islamabad the group agreed on collective leadership and formulated policy statements and engaged in political action to safeguard women's legal position.

The Women's Action Forum has played a central role in exposing the controversy regarding various interpretations of Islamic law and its role in a modern state, and in publicizing ways in which women can play a more active role in politics. Its members led public protests in the mid-1980s against the promulgation of the Law of Evidence. Although the final version was substantially modified, the Women's Action Forum objected to the legislation because it gave unequal weight to testimony by men and women in financial cases. Fundamentally, they objected to the assertion that women and men cannot participate as legal equals in economic affairs.

Beginning in August 1986, the Women's Action Forum members and their supporters led a debate over passage of the Shariat Bill, which decreed that all laws in Pakistan should conform to Islamic law. They argued that the law would undermine the principles of justice, democracy, and fundamental rights of citizens, and they pointed out that Islamic law would become identified solely with the conservative interpretation supported by Zia's government. Most activists felt that the Shariat Bill had the potential to negate many of the rights women had won. In May 1991, a compromise version of the Shariat Bill was adopted, but the debate over whether civil law or Islamic law should prevail in the country continued in the early 1990s.

Discourse about the position of women in Islam and women's roles in a modern Islamic state was sparked by the government's attempts to formalize a specific interpretation of Islamic law. Although the issue of evidence became central to the concern for women's legal status, more mundane matters such as mandatory dress codes for women and whether females could compete in international sports competitions were also being argued.

Another of the challenges faced by Pakistani women concerns their integration into the labor force. Because of economic pressures and the dissolution of extended families in urban areas, many more women are working for wages than in the past. But by 1990 females officially made up only 13 percent of the labor force. Restrictions on their mobility limit their opportunities, and traditional notions of propriety lead families to conceal the extent of work performed by women.

Usually, only the poorest women engage in work--often as midwives, sweepers, or nannies--for compensation outside the home. More often, poor urban women remain at home and sell manufactured goods to a middleman for compensation. More and more urban women have engaged in such activities during the 1990s, although to avoid being shamed few families willingly admit that women contribute to the family economically. Hence, there is little information about the work women do. On the basis of the predominant fiction that most women do no work other than their domestic chores, the government has been hesitant to adopt overt policies to increase women's employment options and to provide legal support for women's labor force participation.

The United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) commissioned a national study in 1992 on women's economic activity to enable policy planners and donor agencies to cut through the existing myths on female labor-force participation. The study addresses the specific reasons that the assessment of women's work in Pakistan is filled with discrepancies and underenumeration and provides a comprehensive discussion of the range of informal- sector work performed by women throughout the country. Information from this study was also incorporated into the Eighth Five-Year Plan (1993-98).

A melding of the traditional social welfare activities of the women's movement and its newly revised political activism appears to have occurred. Diverse groups including the Women's Action Forum, the All-Pakistan Women's Association, the Pakistan Women Lawyers' Association, and the Business and Professional Women's Association, are supporting small-scale projects throughout the country that focus on empowering women. They have been involved in such activities as instituting legal aid for indigent women, opposing the gendered segregation of universities, and publicizing and condemning the growing incidents of violence against women. The Pakistan Women Lawyers' Association has released a series of films educating women about their legal rights; the Business and Professional Women's Association is supporting a comprehensive project inside Yakki Gate, a poor area inside the walled city of Lahore; and the Orangi Pilot Project in Karachi has promoted networks among women who work at home so they need not be dependent on middlemen to acquire raw materials and market the clothes they produce.

The women's movement has shifted from reacting to government legislation to focusing on three primary goals: securing women's political representation in the National Assembly; working to raise women's consciousness, particularly about family planning; and countering suppression of women's rights by defining and articulating positions on events as they occur in order to raise public awareness. An as yet unresolved issue concerns the perpetuation of a set number of seats for women in the National Assembly. Many women activists whose expectations were raised during the brief tenure of Benazir Bhutto's first government (December 1988-August 1990) now believe that, with her return to power in October 1993, they can seize the initiative to bring about a shift in women's personal and public access to power.

SOURCE:www.islamfortoday.com

Women of Pakistan

Scaling the Heights of Excellence

Women in Pakistan, are generally perceived to be confined to their houses in a tightly controlled society. Although, generally true, the trends are now changing. The 53% of total population is now finding avenues to express them and come out the shell they have been encased in for many centuries. However, there is a marked difference in their lives in urban and rural areas. While most urbanized women can now get from basic to masters level education, the women in rural areas are still struggling to reach up to secondary level of education.

The Rural Women count for the majority of female population. From daily household routine to joining their men folk in the fields at the time of harvest. However, they generally do not have a share in the income and lack adequate empowerment - but so do most women in the developing countries. Generally the rural women is not only subjected to financial discrimination, but they are also victims of inhuman customs and laws such as Karo Kari (the honour killing by relatives of the girl if she elopes with a man of her own choosing) and marriage to the Quran to save on the family property to being transferred outside the family. Though, now people are voicing concern about these age old stringent self proclaimed local laws, much still needs to be done. An active women specific NGO, "The Women's Action Forum" is playing a central role in exposing the controversy regarding various interpretations of Islamic law and its role in a modern state, and in publicizing ways in which women can play a more active role in politics.

Vocational and technical training for women tended to increase lately and training schools in non-traditional fields such as electric technology, computer technology, etc. are also increasing. However, many of the training programs by the government still cling to traditional fields such as sewing and embroidery where wages are low and employment opportunities are few and opportunities
for management.

The Urban Women, specially the major cities are more independent, owing to greater exposure to education of their men and impact of media. Now most females find their way to schools, colleges, universities or scholarships abroad. Other than the medicine, which was once considered to be the only profession which women joined, now even the most technical spheres like engineering, architecture, communications and IT. However, medicine remains the most favoured field generally pursued by the women. Women can now be seen encouraging cricket teams and participating all kinds of sports from cricket to athletics and even marathon recently held in Lahore (though much to the disgust to a section of conservists).

Today, women in Pakistan hold high ranking positions as the CEOs and executives. Recently the president has appointed Dr Shamshad Akhtar as the first female governor of the State Bank of Pakistan. Two lady doctors of the Pakistan Army have also risen to the rank of major general. The female doctors joined hands with the male doctors in the most inaccessible earth quake hit areas in the northern part of Pakistan to treat the sick and wounded.

There are many names to be honoured - Fatima Jinnah, Jinnah's sister who stood by her brother when he was struggling for an independent Muslim state from the British India, Razia Bhatti, the courageous journalist who braved the man dominated media in Pakistan and won Courage in the Journalism award. Then there is Anoushka, who became the first women and Pakistani of course to have gone to the frozen Arctic region. And finally Raheela Gul, a young women who was a trekker, expeditionist and history maker - had it not been the mournful earthquake of 8 October 2005 struck and she succumbed to the tragedy, Raheela would have been still with us - happily preparing for her Amazon Rainforest expedition. Mehreen Jabbar, another promising women is making headlines in filmmaking these days. Her work has appeared in many film festivals around the world including The Hong Kong International Film Festival, The San Francisco Asian-American Film Festival, and The Leeds Film Festival in U. K. to name a few. At home, in Pakistan, her unconventional style of story telling has earned her much acclaim and several awards. Nafis Sadiq, physician by profession, has spent a lifetime working on the politically charged and non-glamorous issues of global population control and women’s health, issues which at first glance some may consider irrelevant to their daily lives. Yasmeen Lari has the distinction of being Pakistan’s first woman architect. After retiring from a career in architecture which spanned over thirty-five years, these days she is devoting her time to writing and serving as an advisor to UNESCO project, Conservation and Preservation of Lahore Fort. She is also the executive director of Heritage Foundation and the Chairperson of Karavan Initiatives, both are organizations devoted to historic preservation.

Left to Right: Fatima Jinnah - Jinnah with women delegation - Razia Bhatti - Women for their rights - Raheela Gul

Women as Pilots: Presence of women in the aviation has not a new phenomenon since there have been a number of women pilots in the national flag carrier PIA since long. PIA has some 548 and 6 female pilots and Miss Shukriya Khanum was the first female pilot of PIA, who was awarded with the commercial pilot license (CPL) as back as 12 July 1959. However, the women pilots had generally been the co-pilots until 25 January - 2006 when a completely female crewed Fokker of PIA operated from Islamabad to Lahore & Multan. The team captained by Miss Ayesha Rabia (below left), co-pilot Sadia Aziz, and flight attendants Shazia Kauser and Tauseef Ashraf flew a Fokker Friendship F-27 Flight PK 632 from Islamabad to Multan via Lahore. The passengers on board did not know of the First in Islamic Countries' History - making crew till it landed at Lahore airport and the crew was garlanded by the local PIA staff for their land mark achievement. Captain Ayesha Rabia Naveed, 48, already has 6,000 hours' experience flying as a co-pilot with Pakistan International Airlines, now aims to captain larger jet airliners for the national carrier.

Now the women have gone a step further. It was like making history in Pakistan, when four women pilots formally joined Pakistan Air Force on 30 March 2006. Saba Khan, Nadia Gul, Mariam Halil and Saira Batool (above centre) were among 36 aviation cadets who received their wings after three and a half years of intensive training, breaking into all-male bastion of Pakistan armed forces. The then Vice-Chief of Army Staff General Ahsan Saleem Hayat, the chief guest on the passing out ceremony at the PAF Academy Risalpur said, "The four had shown the spirit and courage to rise above the ordinary and break new ground for others to emulate." When asked how did they feel about being a fighter pilot, one of the women pilots remarked, "I want to fly fighter jets and prove that girls can equally serve our country in the best possible manner as men are doing." Seen in photograph above (above right) are Bismah and Fatima packing their chutes after a successful para landing exercise near Risalpur.

On the eve of 130th birth anniversary of Jinnah, the Founder of Pakistan and commonly known as Quaid-e-Azam, the cadets of Pakistan Military Academy mounted guard at the tomb of the father of the nation on 25 December 2006. But the highlights of the this special guard was that it also included 6 FEMALE CADETS INCLUDING ONE SIKH presently under training at the Military Academy. The president of Pakistan, who was also present on the occasion said that it was the effort of the government to provide equal rights to all, whether minorities or women as every Pakistani was being provided equal rights in line with the principles of Quaid-e-Azam. He lauded the performance of a Sikh cadet saying that for the first time the contingent of Pakistan Military Academy has girls and a Sikh cadet. He also added that he would like to get more of them in future and that he took the opportunity to say how alert and vigilant they all were looking.

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The women athletes have shown their mettle in international sports events. In Pakistan’s female athlete Shabana Akhtar won two gold medals for long jump in the 1993 and 1995 SAF Games. Recently Naseem Hameed (left), the female member of Pakistani squad became the fastest women of South Asia in the 11th South Asian Federation (SAF) Games. The 22 years old clocked 11.81 seconds, 0.12seconds ahead of Sri Lanka’s Pramila Priyadarshani, and clinched the gold for her country in the women event of 100 meter race. Not only she became the fastest women of South Asia in the 11th South Asian Federation (SAF) Games, she also became the first female athlete to win the race in Pakistan's sports history. Another female member of the Pakistan squad Sara Nasir also bagged a gold in karate. The women cricket team of Pakistan, though in its infancy, is also showing promise in international matches and it would not be far when they too bring laurels for the country.

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Efforts are now at hand to change and uplift the role and status of women in Pakistan. The Women's Division was founded in 1979 as the Women's Division of the Pakistani government. At the time of the Unite Nations Decade for Women, the Pakistan Government, which realized the necessity for the improvement of women's position, upgraded the Women's Division to the Federal Ministry of Women Development in 1989. It was merged with the Ministry of Social Welfare and Special Education and reorganized as the Federal Ministry of Women Development, Social Welfare and Special Education in the end of 1989. Among projects being implemented by MOWD, there are the establishments of community centres for women and the organizing of literacy rate improvement centres and cooperative associations. In order to promote women's participation in the development and to strengthen their roles by promoting equal opportunities for both sexes, etc. as urged in the Eighth Five-Year Plan, it is necessary for MOWD, as the supervisory organization, to enforce its organizational capability and provide the policy framework for promoting integration from the point of view of gender in the development processes from now on. There is a female federal minister who looks after the affairs of the women. Adult literacy rates are 54.8% for men and 25% for women (Labour Force Survey 1996-97) and, especially, the literacy rate of women in rural areas (15%) is less than a third of that of women in urban areas (50%). Moreover, regardless of whether in cities and towns or farm villages, the older the age group is, the lower the literacy rate. The importance of women's education has begun to be recognized in recent years and the improvement of girls' enrolment rate in primary education is being stipulated as the most important task of the nation in the Social Action Plan. Literacy programs for adult women are being implemented utilizing books and posters, cassette tapes, radios, etc. by NGOs. Also, literacy education training for adult women and girls has been implemented with the support of UNESCO since 1988. To enhance the avenues for the women's financial status and to encourage them to undertake micro-financing, The First Women Bank was founded in 1989 by the Pakistani Government as the first financing organization for women. The promotion of financing for women is linked with the founding of small-to-medium sized enterprises and the improvement of income, and is contributing to the elevation of women's economic and social situation. The First Women Bank also implements training for the management of small-to-medium sized enterprises for illiterate women. In addition, it implements financing programs in areas far from urban areas cooperating with local NGOs. Moreover, small scale financing programs for low income women have been started in rural areas by public banking facilities such as Regional Development Finance Corporation and Agricultural Development Bank of Pakistan. Loan recovery rate is more than 90% and the reliability of financing for women has been substantiated.

There are a number of organizations, mostly managed and operated by women in Pakistan that are actively involved in raising the standard of living of women, specially the rural women, and addressing their pressing problems. One of these is Jazba.Org that narrates life and achievements of some of the women celebrities of Pakistan. Women Entrepreneur Information Network is another organization that provides information about women entrepreneurs in Pakistan. SOURCE:www.pakistanpaedia.com

MINISTRY OF WOMEN DEVELOPMENT IN PAKISTAN

Advisor to the Prime Minister on Women Development, Yasmin Rehman Saturday left for Dhaka, Bangladesh for participation in 7th South Asia regional ministerial conference ‘Commemorating Beijing”, starting from today (Sunday) and continue till October 05.The Prime Minister of the Peoples’ Republic of Bangladesh will inaugurate the conference. The year 2010 is a special one. It marks the 15th anniversary of the Beijing Platform for Action (BPfA). The implementation of the BPfA was appraised at the 54th Session of the UN Commission on the Status of Women (CSW) in March 2010.In line with its tradition, UNIFEM facilitated national and regional processes in 2009 to feed into the global review in 2010 at the 54th Session of the CSW. This included support to a South Asia Consultation on Beijing +15, which took forward the “India Forward Moving Strategies for Gender Equality 2008. It provided a platform for women’s groups to prioritize their concerns and develop a consensus lobby document on key gender concerns in preparation for the CSW in New York. At this meeting an effort was made to transform the review process and go beyond it. In order to make it as cutting edge and strategic as possible, two critical challenges to gender equality in the region have been identified for focus, namely, economic security and rights of women and violence against women. A workshop mode and a conference mode are being harmonized to coalesce stock-taking and active learning on gender equality. It will also seek to lay an emphasis on partnership building. The consensus document of the meeting will delineate the current key priorities for South Asia. Participants to the reviews include Ministers responsible for Women’s Development, the SAARC Secretary General, Secretaries of the Women’s Ministries, a section of civil society and women’s organizations from the region.At the end of the conference, delegates are expected to draft and adopt a series of recommendations / forward moving strategies on crucial gender issues affecting women across countries in the region.
source:www.mowd.gov.pk

Offering a Fresh Perspective on Muslim Women

Dr. Shahla Haeri is the director of the Women's Studies Program at Boston University. She holds a Ph.D. in Cultural Anthropology and is the author of No Shame for the Sun: Lives of Professional Pakistani Women (Syracuse Press, 2001). Through her book Dr. Haeri hopes to offer a fresh perspective on the lives of Muslim women which challenges the stereotypes of Muslim women being generally oppressed.

Dr. Haeri has lived and researched in Pakistan. No Shame for the Sun includes detail interviews with six educated and professional Pakistani women, as well as Dr. Haeri's analysis of these women's status in Pakistani society.

The women in the book come from diverse backgrounds. Readers get an intimate look at each of their lives. Quratul Ain Bakhteari talks about growing up in a refugee camp after independence and the partition of India and Pakistan. She becomes an active participant in the community and goes on to obtain her PhD despite pressures of marriage and children. We get to know Rahila Tiwana, her political activism, her imprisonment, and her struggles in police custody. Through Ayesha Siddiqa we learn how the feudal conscience develops. Ayesha is well aware of her vulnerable status as a female feudal lord. She is constantly striving to be better or stronger than a man in every aspect. Pakistan’s internationally revered feminist poet, Kishwar Naheed, tells us about her troubled marriage, her start in literature, and her status as a feminist and activist. The amazing Sajida Mokarram Shah tells us about the stigma of becoming a widow. She discusses her struggle to raise her children independently despite intense family opposition, getting a job, getting a law degree, and having a promising law career, all after becoming a widow. Last but not least we get to know, Nilofer Ahmed, the Sufi feminist, her stance on women’s rights in a religious context and her work to raise awareness of these rights.

Each woman tells a fixating and inspirational story. This is Dr Haeri's second book. She hopes to translate it into Urdu (official language of Pakistan) and Persian. In 2001, she also produced a documentary film called Mrs. President: Women and Political Leadership in Iran.

(Interviewer's note: The following is an excerpt of an interview which that was conducted mostly through telephone conversations, as well as, some e-mail exchanges.)

Dr. Haeri, you were born and raised in Iran and came to the US by yourself at a young age in order to attend college. What was that experience like for you, having come from a conservative culture like Iran’s?

It was difficult because I was emotionally very much attached to my sisters and brother, my [whole] family. I was very close to my siblings and my cousins, you know, and [we] got together often. So, in that sense it was hard. But in the sense of discovering a new world, It was very exciting. You know, I quickly picked up things, I rented my own apartment, I started painting it and doing things that you would never do [back home]. Then I became involved in my school and tried to learn English. I was very much determined to learn English because you know, unlike Pakistanis, Iranians don’t learn English from childhood. So I needed to put a lot of effort in my English, which I did.

Did your parents encourage you to go abroad for studies?
Not particularly. But when I did not pass the university entrance examination [in Iran], primarily because of my English, the only option at that time was to go abroad [for further education]. I had a cousin at Harvard University [so] my mother thought it would be okay for me to come to Boston. You see, almost everybody in my paternal extended family had gone to college. My mother was a teacher, so higher education was not considered a luxury but a necessity. My mother wanted me to become a physician… So, to her credit she encouraged me to come to Boston and go to school here even though she didn't want me to leave her.

So why did you decide to study Sociology instead of Medicine after you got to Boston?
I studied sociology, which was really not a very wise thing to do because I could hardly speak the language. But I was excited about this new world… I was always socially and politically conscious. My father encouraged us to be politically aware of what was going on around us. Then, you know, I arrived in the United States in the late 1960s, which coincided with the beginning of the third wave of the feminist movement. So, I became very much impressed and excited about sociology. But later on I switched to cultural anthropology.

You state in the book your reasons for choosing Pakistani women for the subject of No Shame For the Sun. Can you speak more about that. Why did you decide to go to Pakistan as oppose to Iran for the research for your book? Well, I also briefly mention in the book that I would have liked to go back to Iran but what was happening in Iran at that time [1980-88] was just too painful to bare. I just didn’t think that I [could] go back to Iran, for a variety of reasons, most important of which was the ongoing war [with Iraq]. So I [thought] of going to the Middle East or North Africa to do field work. But then I was talking to a friend who said, “Why don’t you go to South Asia? There are a lot of things you can do there.” And all of a sudden, you know, a light went on in my head and I thought, “Yes, why not? We always seem to be looking to the West [but] why not go back East?” And that was the best decision I ever made. I applied for a grant, a post doctorate grant, and fortunately I got it, but that was mainly for India.

So I went. I had a short stop in Pakistan. I was pleasantly surprised, because as you know, in 1987, Pakistan was under General Zia. Despite that, it seemed to be relatively freer than what I had experienced in Iran, and that the people were just wonderful, very helpful, excited to see me. From there I went to India and similarly I found Indians just as warm. Sometime I would forget where was I, whether in Pakistan or in India, because people were really nice. Whether they were Hindus, Jains, or Muslims, didn’t make any difference. They were just all very friendly, going out of their way to be helpful to me.

Did you know anyone in Pakistan before you went there?
Not a single soul! Now when I think about it, I wonder, “How did I manage to do that?” When I arrived in Karachi, I got there early in the morning and my suitcase got lost. I kept on thinking, “how am I going to make it to the hotel?” Finally, I [found] my suitcase and walked to the bus early in the morning. I was the only woman in that bus - and at that hour. The guys in the bus just stared at me - which was pretty nerve wrecking.

So going to Pakistan, after having grown up in Iran, where women are required to veil, did you find Pakistani society to be a little more liberating?
This is really very interesting. If I ever get a chance I will write about it [laughing]. You know, before the revolution, of course, [Iranian women] didn’t veil. So we had the experience of not being [forced] to veil. Women wore skirts and sleeveless dresses. So I was brought up under [those] conditions... When I went to Pakistan, on one level I found it liberating, in the sense that I didn’t have to wear the veil [head scarf and long overcoat]. But in another sense I found it very oppressive. Even more so than what you may find in Iran under the present conditions. That is very paradoxical! Because in Iran once you have [on] the veil, the scarf and the long robe, you can basically go anywhere and do anything. Where as in Pakistan, even though I was always dressed in shalwar qameez, if I were to walk out on the street [by myself], I would be stared at. It was apparently something not done. And then, of course, I realized that many of the Pakistanis [from] upper-middle class and middle class have drivers who drive them around. Karachi is a little bit different, in Karachi it was okay but Lahore was oppressive on some levels.

When you went to Pakistan, was it with the intention to go and interview women and talk to them?
No, no, I didn’t have the idea at all. Actually, after that year (1987-88), I applied for another grant, which I got - a small grant for a short period - to be in Pakistan and that had to do with the tension between the fundamentalists and the secularists within a democratic state. I wanted to see what roles women played and how they engaged with institutions of power. So I was more interested in the development of fundamentalism and in how women responded to that. So when I first went to Pakistan it was with a different project.

The women whom you interview in the book are all very strong and inspirational figures. Each has gone through her own trials. They speak about some very personal and intimate experiences from their lives. Was it difficult to get them to open up?
Well, these women did not all react the same way to my inquiries and interests. Some were my friends [after having lived in Pakistan over multiple trips there] and I knew them for a while before they agreed to talk to me about their personal life. With some others, we seemed to have hit it off quickly. Our interactions were more like open ended conversations rather than a structured interview. Perhaps that's why they felt more comfortable to delve into their emotions.

One thing that stands out about the book is that the women whom you interviewed, they are all from affluent, privileged backgrounds. Did you purposely do that?
Yes, I intended to do that because if we look at all the [anthropological] books on women from the Muslim world -- most that are published in the US at least, I don’t know about Europe -- are primarily about peasant women, tribal women, rural women, urban poor women. [They are] seldom, if ever, about the lives or activities of educated, professional, upper-middle class women who have all along been very important in their societies, engaged in various institutions of power, have been participating in the public domain and trying to influence some change.

Do you think you have succeeded in your mission, which was to reveal the professional and working Muslim women to the Western audience. In other words, who is reading your book now? Is it being read in colleges?
Well to some extent I have been successful if only to introduce the idea into the discourse. Even the fact that I have in the subtitle ‘Lives of Professional Women,’ that by itself created a lot of interest. In fact, I was just attending a conference in Canada, an international conference, and one of the themes that was proposed was to have more research done on the lives and activities of professional women in the Muslim world because this is the category of women who are in fact trying to influence change or supporting women’s human rights. Since my book was published, I have been invited to give many talks on Pakistan. Many professors at Universities have been using my book. So, I guess it is reaching a wide audience.

Before you wrote this book, you have written another book? Yes, it’s called Law of Desire: Temporary Marriage in Shiite Iran. How long did it take you to write that book? Well, that book was based on my Ph.D. dissertation. So I did my research in Iran, which was faster because I could speak the language, travel easily, and talk to people. I did the research both before and after the Revolution [of 1979]. After the Revolution, I was in Iran for six months and then it took me about three years [to complete the book] and then another two years to get it into a book form. I actually submitted it a lot earlier, but it took my publisher a long time to publish it. So it came out in 1989 and quickly it was sold out, and had to be reprinted in 1993. Now my publisher wants me to write a new introduction [for republishing].

Dr. Haeri, it has been a pleasure talking to you and learning about your experience in writing No Shame for the Sun. Thank you so much for this opportunity.

source:www.jazbah.org

Perfect Women. Imperfect Men

Fouzia is more than a picture-perfect woman. Young, educated, intelligent, pretty, feminist, political and human rights activist, educationist and a social worker. She is soft spoken and a very affectionate, caring woman. She has a PhD. in Sociology from the University

of California, USA. Fouzia loves fine and performing arts, classical and semi-classical music. She has been associated with non-government organizations (NGOs) and women’s help groups. She has also acted in plays and performed as a classical and folk dancer. With her attractive personality and engaging communication skills Fouzia becomes the center of any social, artistic, political or private gathering. Once I asked her how she has managed to stay single and avoided marriage as most women desire that union. Surely there would have been no shortage of highly successful and popular eligible bachelors vying for her attention. Fouzia with her ever-wonderful smile and sweet voice replied, “I don’t want to get into that mess!”

Fouzia is not the only such Pakistani woman. I have come across many Fouzias, educated, talented, professional, independent, successful, charming and popular women who have preferred to stay single and keep marriage on the back burner. There is Salma who has a great job working in a multinational corporation, traveling the world, being sought at seminars, workshops, parties and yet leading her single life on her terms. She is tall, attractive with an infectious laugh and a wonderful personality. She firmly states that she will not be pressured into marriage for the sake of just being married and will wait for ‘Mr. Right’ as long as it takes, even forever!

Then there are other professional women with the difference that they got married, lived a few happy years and found their educated, brilliant, successful husbands stuck in the bad old ways where women took a back seat and men called all the shots. The men were not ready to compromise. The men’s careers, choices, and whims took precedent over their wives. It did not matter how successful the women were in their work. The marriage faltered and the women soon realized that they are better off without their spouses.

These women are mostly from the middle or upper middle class. They lead a very busy social and professional life. They are highly successful, very popular and have several male friends as well. Some have enjoyed romantic relationships only to be disappointed with the self-centered, egoistic beings of their companions. Others may be too engrossed in their high-pressure and demanding careers to give marriage a serious thought until they have become too used to their way of life. These women have from the outset ruled out the concept of ‘arranged marriages.’

While in the western countries the choice of staying single for whatever reasons has become an accepted one, it is still frowned upon in our country. One has to admire these Pakistani women’s courage to live and face the world as single women on their terms.

When I asked Sheema Kermani, feminist, political activist, noted classical dancer, head of Tehrik-e-Niswan, an NGO devoted to the uplift of women through performing arts, she thoughtfully reflected: “The institution of marriage is itself very difficult and unnatural, specially for women who go through the process of ‘arranged marriage’ and are forced to live with someone for the rest of their lives. The predetermined roles husband and wife are assigned by the society are no longer valid as Pakistani women have advanced emotionally and psychologically far more than the men. The latter may create an aura of being strong, successful, outgoing, working professionally, but in reality they are backward emotionally, psychologically and are very insecure. The men may appear as modern and advanced but are quite conservative. Their attitude towards marriage is warped. They are caught in between. On one hand they want their wives to be modern, university educated and glamorous; on the other they don’t want their wives to be free and independent. Rather, they prefer the wives to be totally dependent on them. Even those men married to professionally successful women are not prepared to share household work or parenting responsibilities. Insecurity leads the men to be jealous and possessive of the wives.” Sheema emphasizes that Women want a free, happy marriage rather than a bonded type!

Fahmida Riaz, famous poet, writer, dramatist, feminist, traced the problem to the historical inequities and injustices to women. “ Most societies have given an inferior position to women,” she pointed out. “Men are conditioned by social values. So are women. Many women accept the inferior position and are comfortable with it. But now more and more women are challenging and trying to emerge out of this situation of inferiority. However, men are finding it much more difficult to cope with the independent-minded women. Humaray mosaheray mein mardon kau sikhaya jaata hai kai agar woh aurtaun kau dominate nahi karaingay tau woh such moch mard hi nahi hain!” (In our society the men are taught that that if they do not dominate the women then they are not real men!)”. Fahmida feels that today’s women are more conscious and aware of their rights. They are demanding equality and respect. They are also earning their own living. Thus today they are not so hard pressed for marriage. The women can enjoy a social status without a marriage. They can also remain single for a much longer time.

Ms. Sarwat Sultana, a successful career woman, Public Relations Officer, Karachi Electric Supply Corporation (KESC), is of the view that, “ the educational level of women has risen dramatically and more women have acquired a higher level of education than ever before. These educated women do not usually find suitable educated men. So they end up marrying less- educated men. Then men start feeling threatened by such women and try to put the women down as inferior being.” Sarwat Sultana also talked about the taboo against women not getting married and opting to stay single. Some of those who get married and are treated as ‘housewives’ (as if these women are married to the houses!), good only for raising children and looking after the home. The women eventually get fed up and move away from their husbands. “Women are seeking security, equality, respect and friendship from their husbands. They want to pursue their interests, careers and have a life of their own as well,” concludes Ms. Sultana.

To find out more about the underlying emotional and psychological reasons behind this complex issue, I talked to one of the country’s best-known psychiatrist, human rights activist, Dr. Haroon Ahmed. He traced the current state to the marriage institution itself as it is commonly accepted. “In our society marriage is arranged by the elders in the family. There are not many places where boys and girls can freely meet and explore the possibility of a relationship leading to marriage. There is some interaction between the young people at mehndi and marriage ceremonies. That is not enough. They have nothing to do in the evenings.” In Dr. Haroon’s assessment, today more girls are university educated than boys. For the past many years, the girls have been consistently outperforming boys in all levels of examinations, from matriculation and intermediate to graduation and post-graduation. (This seems to be a universal trend. In the recent ‘A’ level examination results in the United Kingdom, the dominance of girls over the boys has gone to an all time high—over 9%.) Education-wise, competency-wise the women have outdone men. Today’s women cannot remain mere commodities to be married to any one without their own choosing or choice. They will also not accept a life of misery and suffering if their husbands turn out to be not to their liking, or worse, mistreat them. The days of ‘ghar say doli jai aur janaza aai’ (Once married there is no other life for women until death) are fast becoming ugly relics of the past. Education and careers have given women a new confidence. They now have higher expectations. They are exposed to new ideas today as never before. The conditions of marriage as put forth by men are no longer acceptable to them. Some marriages have broken down on the basis of the pursuit of individual careers.



Dr. Unaiza Niaz on men, women, relationships and their psyche

In a detailed analysis of this issue, Dr. Unaiza Niaz, well known psychologist and psychotherapist, head of the Stress Research Centre, who specializes in the treatment of stress, anger and deep psychological problems resulting from failed relationships, finds that: “ Today we all are in the phase of developing ourselves to be better and successful human beings. The basis of harmony in life is success and fulfillment. The disharmony comes from inner insecurity and self-doubt. Truly happy people tend to be modest, soft spoken and resilient by nature. One doesn’t necessarily have to be intelligent to be a happy human being. Emotional intelligence is more essential in that it depicts the depth in a person.

Personality strengths do not mean being worldly-wise and successful. True strengths in a personality are reflected in maintaining a balance in life, embodying certain disciplines, understanding human weaknesses and having empathy for fellow human beings. Some of us have been able to do better than others. We should aspire to be what we want to be in life. And let others be what they want to be in life. No two people are alike. No two more so than men and women.” “Remember ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, (Title of Dr. John Gray’s best selling book considered a practical guide for improving communications and getting what you want in your relationships.). She declares, “We have our own little spaces. When this is threatened chaos and disorder takes over.”

Dr. Unaiza then talked about the basic differences that she feels why women are different than men, “Women are primarily creative beings. Doll making, ceramic and porcelain painting, sense of colours, pottery, embroidery, are only few of their creations. Women have an eye for the artistic and the aesthetic and all the finer things in our lives.”

Dr. Unaiza is hopeful and optimistic that with major developments in science and technology; revolutionary changes all around the world, acceptance and even incorporating the concept of human right and women’s rights, universally under the various U.N. Conventions and nationally in many countries laws, men are also adapting to the feminine attributes of sensitivity, care and finer aesthetic sensibility.

She traces the historical and traditional roles of the two genders. “Men were supposed to take care of bread and butter and provide protection and home to the women. With civilization, maturity, globalization, women are taking over more and more of men’s roles and responsibilities and men are doing the opposite and learning the women’s roles and responsibilities. In a family unit the man is considered the head and thus the boss. If you are sensitive and educated the roles are interchangeable and replaceable. And should be so. One need not be rigid and stiff.”

Dr. Unaiza in her analysis thinks that when more and more women became successful professionals and careerists, they felt equal (to men), and started emulating men; becoming loud, crude, aggressive—‘the hockey stick’ personality. Then they became feminists, officially feminine, looking attractive but not attracting attention. They were now not afraid to express themselves freely and forcefully. It’s been a difficult and an uphill battle for women. Highly qualified women have not found acceptance at work because women have very ‘special’ personalities. These women have all their male colleagues’ attributes plus they also have charm, sensitivity and adaptability. Thus their male colleagues find it very tough to compete with them. The key is that these women are not trying to compete with men. They are being what they are, women. All these women really want is the same respect, support and understanding, which they extend to the men at work. Some women may even be tempted to exploit their situations but such occasions are very rare.

Dr. Unaiza affirms that there are some inherent qualities in men and women respectively. Men are more physical. Women are more emotional and sensitive. Men are better aware of their sexuality and sexual pleasures. Few women have this awareness. Sexual factor is very important as women resent it and feel that they are being exploited. On the other hand men are neither verbal nor expressive about their feelings. When sensible and mature couples have problems, they should give space, respect and equality to each other. Dr. Unaiza strongly feels that marriage is a roller coaster ride. Couples should be adaptable, understanding, trusting and above all remain friends. Professional women end up burning the candle at both ends.

“In situations of conflict is where I come in,” Dr. Unaiza says. “I encourage men to play the mother’s role as well; appreciate the woman’s juggling and balancing role in life. I tell women that if the men are reasonable guys, hold them, mould them and make them your best friends. Women have to play a very active and positive role. They are intelligent, proactive and can help in the civilization of men! Both jointly complete the picture as they are the colours in the picture and as such inseparable.”

- Nafees Ghaznavi



To find out the thoughts and views of the today’s generation I talked to some young men and women. A modern, independent Pakistani woman living and working in New York said that she had not given much thought to marriage as yet. She was too busy with her work and life in general. She rejected outright the idea of an arranged marriage—“Never!” She thought that, “Women who lack confidence and are confused about their values would face problems in life as well as in marriage. If you are smart enough, astute, intuitive and know yourself, there shouldn’t be a problem in finding a partner. Hopefully I will find one soon and yes, I would like to get married,” she confided and to my surprise asked me not to publish her name.

A young entrepreneur, who is in a hurry to be highly successful in business and also contribute as a human rights and social activist took time off his busy schedule to give his views on the subject. Omair Lodhi’s schooling was in England and higher education in USA, yet he is happy living in Karachi. Omair says that there is something wrong with today’s women. Their priorities are not in order. They are over-ambitious which is not a good thing. Being ambitious is good. Ambition is what you can realistically achieve. In life every endeavor should not be to prove a point, a kind of one upwomanship. Omair strongly feels that there is a woman for every man and a man for every woman. A woman should not let the opportunity (of getting her man) pass by is how Omair sees it. Women as housewives are taken for granted by men. They can understand women’s traditional roles. Similarly the concept of men working is universally accepted. But women working and taking good jobs is hard for men to digest. “Women have to realize and understand that most men work under a great deal of pressure,” was Omair’s advice. He felt that when women become successful in their careers they do not strike a balance. To them career becomes everything. Its good for women to be professional but women should also be able to fulfill their responsibilities towards their homes, their children. She has to decide about her priorities in life. Omair further ventured in deeper waters by suggesting that women are jealous of other women. There’s no end to a woman’s jealousy. Women also become frustrated and turn vindictive by asserting that they don’t need a man. These women in Omair’s opinion opt out of marriage.

Young Tahira Saleem an art-student who hopes to be a famous artist one day, summed up her views thus: “No matter what these women--beautiful, intelligent, educated, talented-- think about the men—conservative, old-fashioned, even dumb—they (the women) cannot live without them (the men). It is nature. That’s the way it is!”

One artist who has already made his mark in the world of art, Shahid Rissam was very keen to speak on the subject. Like a true artist, Shahid’s art is more than just painting. He is an avid reader, loves literature, studied art in London and Paris and is a visiting art teacher in the UAE. So it was not surprising that Shahid started off with a couplet from Zehra Nigah’s poem:
Aurat kay khuda dau hain haqeeqi aur majazi
Pur iss kay liyyay koi bhi achha nahin hota
(Woman has been blessed with two gods, one heavenly, one worldly
But none have brought her any bliss)

Shahid refused to generalize about men and women. He pointed out that every person--man or woman--is different from another, having a different psyche and a different background. Women have definitely come a long way. With education and opportunities they now have a greater potential and desire to succeed in life. Shahid believes that in the past many marriages were successful because of understanding and a high degree of tolerance. Shahid said that: “Happiness depends on what you give and not what you get,” quoting Mahatma Gandhi. This philosophy of giving has now ended. Being educated one should learn and be prepared to understand each other better. One’s expectation in life and marriage should not be idealistic.
As for his own marriage, Shahid asserted that he was against the tradition that men should marry women who are younger than men. Shahid wanted a woman who would share his ideas. “One who would point out my weaknesses and the mistakes I make,” Shahid declared. He gave the example of Will Durant’s work, “Pleasure of Philosophy,” This work was only possible because of Durant’s wife. The teacher at Cambridge University, London, England, married one of his students, quit his job and went on a world trip. His wife accompanied him and shared his passion throughout their life. Also the saga of “A Beautiful Mind,” Nobel laureate Dr. John Nash’s deep inner struggle while pursuing his marvelous work. The man was schizophrenic. His wife not only helped him get over his illness but also looked after him and their children all by herself. Shahid paid tributes to women by proclaiming, “A woman has that magic that can change the world, leave alone a man.”

A young man, Adnan Jaffar, back from a six-year study and a master’s degree from the USA, sounded more feminist than some women, in his initial observations. According to him men haven’t come to terms with the reality that women coming out, as professionals, are as good or even better than men in their respective fields. “It’s not that women don’t make good bosses. The truth is that men are not yet prepared to accept the women as such,” declared the young man. The men haven’t broken out of the old mindset of male dominance and chauvinism. “The men still see women as ‘sex objects.’ It doesn’t matter how tahzeebwala banda hai (how cultured a guy is), he still has it in his subconscious this sexist image of women.” Then Adnan shocked me by confessing, “I am also such a man!” He defended himself by saying that consciously, “I try to breakout of this mould. In the presence of women I am well behaved. I speak the politically correct language. I don’t try to stare at women and make them feel uncomfortable. But deep down I am not much different than most Pakistani men. This is how Pakistani male has grown up to be. May be it is the segregation of males and females in our society. My elders tell me that it was not so in the 50’s and the 60’s; even until the late 70’s.” He thinks most Pakistani men marry to have a legitimate relationship. Marriage is the only way out for Pakistani men (and women). He illustrated this point by saying that when a man talks about his sexual frustrations his friends usually advise him, ‘Ttau tum shadi kiyon nahi karlatey?’ (Why don’t you get married?). Where there is integration of men and women, the men start thinking and behaving differently. The inhibitions start breaking down. And when it comes to relationships they are easier to make and turn out to be more stable. Another sad aspect of our society according to our young philosopher is that friendships between boys and girls end when one of them gets married. The inhibitions and the sexist attitude surprisingly are more common among the upper classes, the so-called elitists. The respect shown to women is superficial. As to how he intends to find his life partner, Adnan Jaffar summed up thus: “First I will gauge her views, her ideas, her total personality. Then if we have something to talk about and share the same interests and there is something original about her, then I will become serious about her. Just knowing a girl will not be enough for me. In our social milieu most romances begin with mere social contact between a guy and a girl. This is a sign that we still are immature and not yet fully grown up to enjoy healthy and stable relationships.”

Mariam Ghaznavi, a very talented and bright young woman, a journalist living and working in Karachi, was very forthright and outspoken: “ I don’t think I will ever find someone compatible and totally understanding. There are many guys who are educated and intelligent but they still live in the old world. They think that they are the kings of the castles and the women in their lives should revolve around them. These men believe that girls should not have a personality of their own. The wives are supposed to be totally dependent on the husbands and whatever the men say should be done. The men don’t believe marriage is a partnership for them—it is a rulership! (“Rulership? Is there such a word? Am I making sense?” Mariam herself interrupted her speech. Since she seemed to be enjoying herself and on a roll, I encouraged her to just go on.) “These guys treat you with full respect and equality as long as you are their friends. But if you become a wife or even a girlfriend then all respect and equality is blown away with the wind.” At this I could not help asking Mariam how has she come to such negative conclusions? “Seeing people around me. Seeing my friends. Seeing myself. All experiences mashed together,” she answered. As to how she sees herself when she gets married, Mariam laughed and viewed her married life as a very difficult one. “I will probably be fighting with my husband all the time!”

Writing this article was a very educational and learning experience for me as well. Life itself is a great teacher. If I knew then what I know now I would not have gone through a lot of pain at a certain period in my life. What I have learnt from women, starting with my great guru—my mother—and many other intelligent and wonderful women, has enriched my life and made it truly worthy of living. The same holds true for women. They can also learn from men or at least try and understand their psyche. That would be a good beginning.
source:www.chowk.com